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what I really want to write about…

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What I really want to write about is what it feels like to follow life, what happens when we stop controlling, strategizing, planning or directing, when we open to listening, risking and experimenting, when we are willing to embrace our fear of not knowing, and allow what comes next, by letting our energy guide our steps.

What I want to write about is my body, and the wild ride I have been on since I have let go of my ideas of what I thought was good for me, since I started tracking and trusting my sensations and intuitions, and how life wants to move through me.  I want to write about the challenge of letting life guide me toward whatever it wants me to feel and see… how exciting and how scary.

What I want to write about is possibility, how the potential of everything I see feels very real to me; and how frustrating and challenging it is to live in this gap between what is and what could be.

What I want to write about is my long pregnancy with poetry, the yearning to translate light and darkness into words that create alchemy, to find ways to move the chi, and open the heart, to all the life and wonders we refuse to see, whales and mountains, mushrooms and trees.  I want to bring nature back to life in my consciousness, so I can recover from years of autism and numbness, and connect with the world’s magic and aliveness.  In one of his poems, poet Drew Dellinger says he’s got teams of scientists feeding him data daily, and pleading he immediately turns it into poetry.  I want to be part of this army.

What I want to write about is the trash that washes every day over the shores of my awareness, how I spend hours feeling the junk that comes out of our collective unconsciousness.  I want to write about my nightmares about slavery and the Nazis, Rwanda and Yugoslavia, and how I am learning to partner with the long lines of ancestors that live in every cell of my body.

Bali, May 2011

This was my first free write, using Jane Brunette’s prompt “What I really want to write about…” prompts.   You can read more about free writing in the golden threads section of this website.